


Fight While I Still Can

by Theavengingavengers



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Afterlife, Character Death, Complicated Relationships, Depression, Dysfunctional Relationships, Established Relationship, F/M, Funeral, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Tony Stark, Infinity Gauntlet, Parent Pepper Potts, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Postpartum Depression, Relationship degradation, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark has a daughter, Tony Stark's Daughter, Uncle Rhodey, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theavengingavengers/pseuds/Theavengingavengers
Summary: Morgan Potts-Stark is born into a world torn in half, to a mother who was terrified but trying her best and a father who was breaking under the weight on his shoulders.





	Fight While I Still Can

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't a happy fanfic. Please mind the tags. Loosely based off the song "When I'm Gone" by Eminem.

Morgan Potts-Stark was born in the middle of the night on a Tuesday to a thunderstorm right outside her window, and a world at war.

Tony was there when she was born, looking at Pepper anxiously as she struggled to deliver this child into a world torn apart at the seams. She struggled for 26 hours, and when the little girl was finally born Pepper Potts did not smile, nor laugh in relief. She cried, she cried long and hard and didn’t want to hold her baby, but she did when the bundle was handed to her, and only cried harder as she saw that the girl had her eyes.

Tony took the baby from his wife’s arms and swore to himself, to every deity he didn’t believe in, that he would do right by this child, by his  _daughter._ He would do anything for her, to keep her safe. To this tiny being who had his hair and Pepper’s eyes. 

She would grow up happy and safe and loved in a world where those emotions were few and far between, because Tony would do anything to make sure she was happy. 

* * *

 

Postpartum blues, they told Tony. It’s very common, almost 60% of all new mothers go through it, and it should go away in two weeks at max. Nothing to worry about. Just be there for the new mother, support her when necessary, and encourage bonding with the child.

One week turned to two, turned to three, then a month, then two. Pepper spent the whole time in bed. She cried whenever she saw Morgan, she was cranky and irritable all the time and didn’t want to spend any time with the baby. She was anxious all the time, terrified something was wrong with Morgan, yet refuse to spend any time with her. Several times, Tony has woken up in the middle of the night to find Pepper sitting in the rocking chair, crying as she rocked Morgan for hours.

Eventually, the postpartum blues turned into postpartum depression.

 

* * *

Tony and Pepper argued a lot. They always had, ever since they met and it had been made only worse and more frequent when they started dating. They disagreed on too many things. Tony was impulsive and reckless and had a horrible hero complex, and Pepper was too put together and neat and planned for things far in advance.  It had been a source of strain for their relationship since the very beginning, including Pepper’s very...passionate thoughts on him being Iron Man, and Tony’s unwillingness to give up that part of him no matter how hard he tried.

It seemed that Morgan’s birth had made things between them much worse.

 

* * *

Morgan was one and a half years old and her father was trying to save the world. She was growing up as smart as her daddy, speaking in full sentences already and knowing her time's tables. Tony doted on her whenever he was around, which went from always, to sometimes, to rarely. Morgan grew up with a mom who was terrified but trying to do her best and a father that shouldered so many responsibilities he was cracking under the pressure.

They both loved her to death and made sure she knew it. They did their best.

 

* * *

Morgan was two and her daddy was an important man, and she knew it. When her daddy was here he spent all the time he could with her. He would play with her and teach her things and let her sit with him in his workshop and watch him work. Mommy would sometimes find them there and start yelling at daddy for putting her at risk, and Morgan would know to run up to her room as quickly as she could and try not to listen to her parents yelling at each other. Afterward, she knew, her daddy would have to go away for a while for his very important job that would cause him to put on his giant metal suit and tickle her goodbye. He was a superhero, she knew, and he needed to go save the world a lot. That was okay.

Her mommy was a very important woman, too. She owned a company and had a lot to take care of. She tried to make time for Morgan whenever she could, but sometimes she couldn’t, and that was okay too.

Morgan grew up a little bit lonely, but her parents were trying to save the world, so it was okay.

It was.

 

* * *

Morgan was three and Tony was losing his mind. Morgan was his heart. Morgan was everything to him. He would do anything for her, give her anything he could. That’s what he was trying to do. He was trying to give her the whole world, trying to put it back as it should be so she wouldn’t have to grow up in a world that was half of what it should be.

And somehow, in a twisted turn of events, Tony had still managed to fail her.

His relationship with Pepper hadn’t been the best after Morgan was born. It was mostly his fault, he knew. He wasn’t trying hard enough to support her, his mind always stuck on a red planet with dust on his hands and a burning in his side and guilt burning a hole through him. They argued a lot about everything. About him leaving, about him working with the old Avengers again, about what he did with Morgan and how he let her in his lab. He knew that her mind was stuck on that last phone call before he disappeared, once again gone into space, where he may have been lost forever. He knew it wasn’t fair, knew that he had once again abandoned her as the world around her turned to dust and the baby in her stomach kicked and that he kept leaving her, over and over still.

Tony knew Pepper was losing her mind too. She had been through too much too quickly. And Pepper’s relationship with Morgan had a rough start, to say the least. For a while, after Morgan was born, Tony genuinely feared that Pepper was going to try to kill her. She had seemed miserable with this baby, couldn’t even stand the sight of her. She had cried constantly for the first two weeks, and then she would just stare. Stare at the child in her crib with such an empty expression that Tony didn’t ever want to leave them alone.

Now that Morgan was older, it was better. Pepper was doing a much better job at being a responsible parent than Tony ever could, and Morgan loved her mommy to death.

But now Tony was rarely ever there, and Pepper gave him hell over it.

Couldn’t she see, that this was important? That this was the fate of the universe at stake, not just their family? He had to do this. It’s what he was meant to do.

Morgan knew it, at least. She understood. Tony knew she did. And yet he saw the pain in her eyes even as she smiled and laughed, saw the loneliness and the void inside her and something within him  _ached, it hurt_ because that was the expression he saw on himself so often and it was not what he wanted for his daughter.

Every time he was running late for a meeting of some sort or another, every time he would get an emergency summons on a lead for their latest case, he would be forced to brush her aside. She would try to show him something she made, and he would be forced to say “Not right now sweetheart, daddy’s running late.”

They both were very familiar with this song and dance now. She knew what his reaction would be, nine times out of ten, and yet she kept coming back in the hope that this would be that one time Tony wasn’t busy, and everything inside of him s _creamed_ at that look in her eyes,  _rebelled_ at the resignation on her face, and yet there was nothing he could do.

Every time he left a part of him shriveled up and died inside, watching her standing there on the sidelines as he left time and time again, with a quivering lip yet steel in her eyes, in her shoulders. She was brave. She was strong. So much more so than he ever could’ve been.

She was a warrior, she was a queen, and he told her that every time he could. But not a soldier. Not on his watch.

               

* * *

 

“Daddy, where’s mommy? Have you seen her? I can’t find her daddy, where is she?”

“I don’t know baby, I’m sorry, I’m busy. I have to go.”

    

* * *

 

“Daddy? Why is mommy crying?”

“She has a lot on her plate, baby. Maybe if you make her something it’ll make her feel better, huh? Do you wanna work on something together?”

 

* * *

Tony keeps having nightmares. Well, more accurately, it’s the same nightmare, over and over again. Every time it starts the same way.

Morgan is standing in front of him crying, saying “Daddy, please, daddy don’t leave, daddy, I need you, stop it, please.” And he would promise her that this was the last time he has to leave, and her face would contort in rage and she would scream “You said that last time, too!” And she would turn into dust and ash right before his eyes, and he would scream, unable to do anything to prevent it as Thanos appears to taunt him. Thanos holds Peter Parker’s throat in his hand and Tony has to watch Peter disappear right before his eyes, again and again, before Tony makes Thanos dissolve to ash too. And then he sees Pepper, bleeding out from a wound in her heart, and then the heat would start, the searing, agonizing heat as he burned up alive from the infection, and he wouldn’t make it to Earth this time, and he’s burning alive, and he always wakes up, sweaty and crying.

He thinks it may be prophetic.

 

* * *

Morgan is four and she learns how to be silent and how to disappear. Her daddy is almost never there, and she misses him so much. Sometimes, mommy gets so angry when daddy is there that Morgan learns how to hide, and she hums Italian songs her daddy taught her to drown out the sound of glass breaking.

Tony dreams about being on fire every night, and he records a video. One for everyone he loves. Just in case.

               

* * *

Morgan is five when her daddy finally saves the world.

She was hiding in the safe room with her mommy and watching the news as the Avengers fought. She could see her daddy fighting hard, side by side with Mr. Captain America, which made her mommy’s face turn sour when she saw it. And then she saw as her daddy put on the big gauntlet with all the stones in it, snap his fingers, and explode.

The world started reforming around her, unaware that she had just lost hers.

 

* * *

Her ears were ringing. Something was wrong. She could hear her mommy sobbing, screaming, but she couldn’t understand why. What happened to her daddy? She felt so disconnected from reality. She could see the rest of the Avengers standing in shock and then bursting into a flurry of actions, doing something she couldn’t understand. All she could see was the piece of a leg that was right in front of the screen, right before the TV shut off. And then she turned around to look at her mommy who had a very frightening expression on her face, and all she could do was stare, and stare, and stare.

 

* * *

The funeral was held at a private church, with only a few people. Morgan was wearing a black dress her mom picked out for her and a black veil. Her mommy tried to smile at her, but the expression looked all weird, and all Morgan could do was stare.

On the ride there, her mommy tried to get her to talk, but her tongue felt like it was stuck to the roof of her mouth. The words were stuck in her throat and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t force them out. She hadn’t felt much of anything anyways, these days, so she just shook her head and went to stare out the window.

Mr. Captain America was there, along with his best friend, a man who had long dark hair and a metal arm. Another boy was there, a boy who took one look at her and started crying harder than he already had been, and she gave him a hug because she recognized him from the stories her daddy used to tell her about a brave boy who helped them fight and whom he had cared for a lot. Her mommy met up with her Uncle Rhodey and they both hugged each other while crying. There were so many others there, people she did not know or recognize, and she just stood in the middle of them all, watching them cry, and she didn’t understand why her daddy couldn’t  _be there_ anymore. She just wanted her daddy. He always made everything so much better.

Morgan sat next to the boy from her father’s stories, Peter, while the priest went on and on about bravery and sacrifice, but Morgan didn’t hear any of it because she could only stare at the coffin that she knew held the pieces of her daddy. She wished she could put him back together, make him whole and alive and happy again, so he could teach her more Italian and tinker with her in the workshop and play with her. He was going to take her to his favorite restaurant when he got back. He had promised he would.

Then, people got up to speak. Her mommy went first. Then her Uncle Rhodey. Then the boy, Peter. Then Mr. Captain America. And before she knew it, Morgan was getting up and walking over to the podium, not looking anywhere but on the ground because she wouldn’t be able to stand all these people looking at her. She glanced at the coffin, and her eyes  _burned_ , but she cleared her throat and began.

“My daddy was...the best daddy I could’ve ever asked for. He was strong and brave, and he loved me so much. He died saving the world. I know that.” She took a deep breath, swallowing the sudden lump in her throat.

“I just...it may be terrible of me, but I wish he hadn’t done that. I wish he was home right now so I wouldn’t have to be here, so I could hug him and tell him I love him one more time.” Her voice dropped into a whisper. “I miss him. God, I miss him so much.”

She wiped her eyes, staring at the coffin that she had been unable to look away from since she first saw it. “I hate that he’s gone. I hate that he won’t ever make me burnt pancakes again or tell me he loves me or show me how to play video games. I miss him so very much. I will never stop. He’s the best daddy in the whole wide world and nothing will ever take that away. I’m so lucky that I got the chance for him to be my daddy. I just miss him. I miss him so much it hurts.”

 

* * *

Two years later, Morgan found a collection of tapes in her dad’s workshop. She saw the one with her name on it, stuck it in the player, and sat back to watch.

“Hey, baby. If you’re watching this, that either means I’m dead, or I’m alive and you somehow found these tapes by digging around in my stuff in which case, you’re in big trouble missy. But if I...am, dead, then, well, I guess I just want to start off by saying that I love you. I love you so much.

“I know I may not always be the best at showing it, but you are my whole world. I know you miss your mommy, and I know you miss me, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you as much as I wanted to be. I’m gone so often, but I’m trying to give you the life that I never had. A life of love, and of family. A life of peace. I’m sorry that I couldn’t quite manage to do that either.

“Please don’t cry for me, baby. I don’t want you to mourn. Just know that wherever I go, I’ll always be with you. Always. And do not ever doubt that I would support you and love you no matter what you decide to do. But above all, I want you to be happy, baby. I just want you to be happy.”

                                                                               

* * *

 

**BONUS**

Tony woke up to the sun shining through his curtains. The birds were singing a pleasing melody, and he could hear children’s laughter coming from the backyard. The smell of pancakes and coffee wafted through the house and he smiled, getting out of bed.

He walked downstairs, opening the door to the backyard and pausing in the doorway at the sight that greeted him. Pepper was laughing, her hair done up in a ponytail, as she pushed the kids on the swings. Morgan was laughing with her little sister and Peter made goofy faces at them as he ran in front of the swings precariously, ducking and weaving wildly. Pepper turned around from her position and smiled at him, her golden hair shining in the sunlight. He walked up to her and kissed her, and just held her in his arms as they smiled at their children together.

All was well.

**Author's Note:**

> "And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
> Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
> Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
> And I didn't feel a thing, so baby don't feel no pain just smile back"


End file.
